Recently I’ve been getting a vast amount of @ replies on twitter saying things like “What happened to you? You used to be funny” and “Only 1 in 50 things you post is even worth reading, Slash”. I wouldn’t normally respond to any negative feedback like this, I rarely even read through all of my responses, but something struck me today that I have to lay out for all the interweb to hear. 

I AM NOT A COMEDIAN. I have never claimed to be one. I do not make money for posting my jokes on twitter, or anywhere else for that matter. They get stolen, they get ripped apart and, at the end of the day, they mean very little. Most of what I post is complete bullshit, and I never thought more than 6 people would ever care to read what I have to say. But here I am, 29,000 followers later, still doing exactly what I was doing a year and a half ago: venting. 

So, to everyone giving me shit for not being on my A game lately, you can go fuck an Ostrich. I have a real life with real problems involving real people, including, but not limited to, a stressful job (that has nothing to do with writing or comedy), college exams (that have nothing to do with writing or comedy) and my brother’s wedding (where my jokes are certainly not welcome). 

It’s times like these that make me contemplate deleting my twitter account. I never asked for a bunch of strangers’ opinions on my sense of humor. I have had people say things to me that would make the average person cry — death threats etc. Those things don’t bother me. It’s the people expecting me to be so inventive and creatively funny every single fucking day; the people who attempt to make me feel like I’m letting the world down for posting something that I think is only mildly amusing. 

Then I remember why I signed up for that crazy site. I was in so much pain, I thought about ending my life. I began writing jokes to make myself laugh when nothing in the universe could even make me smile. I will continue to tweet until my fingers break, because I still feel like that sometimes. I need to laugh, mostly at myself. I know by writing this the replies won’t stop and there will still be trolls and assholes hiding in every internet crevice. I just needed to post this to make one thing clear: I am a real person with real feelings. I am a 24 year old, non-comedian, human being. Sometimes even I forget that.